One Is Too Many, A Thousand Never Enough
by GimmeBanjo
Summary: A package arrives at the hospital for Charlotte. House has an unquenchable need to know everything and some things just weren’t meant to be known.
1. Chapter 1

Title: One Is Too Many, A Thousand Never Enough

Summary: A package arrives at the hospital for Charlotte. House has an unquenchable need to know everything and some things just weren't meant to be known.

Disclaimer: Can't we all just share? …probably not. The title and some quotes come from NA readings. The characters come from this great TV show.

* * *

He had a key. He didn't have to look under the welcome mat for it, so he wasn't breaking in. He needed to know what was in that box that he had seen Charlotte taking to her car during her lunch break the other day.

The box had been sitting on the information desk when he had walked in to the hospital a week ago. From his path around the desk, he couldn't read the name on the top line of the address, but he could tell it was long. Later, his curiosity was satisfied when he saw Charlotte walking down the hall with it.

Later in the week, he had gone to visit her in her office. (He made it a point to see her at least once a week now. He didn't want her to know rehab gave him the heebie jeebies.) In his first cursory glance around the room, he spotted the box sitting in the corner behind her desk. It wasn't a large box and he tried to figure out what was in there. Two pairs of shoes. No, that was unlikely. Charlotte always had her sneakers on or those ugly black loafers. A police scanner. No, she wasn't a superhero-in-disguise. It was probably some grotesque art piece to go in her living room. Yes, that was probably it. He had stumbled into Cuddy's office a few weeks ago and found the two of them ogling over some decorating magazine. Now that Chase had officially moved into Charlotte's house, Cuddy started planning the redecoration to make it more "boyfriend friendly."

That made House gag.

And look over his shoulder. He forgot about Chase and forgot to check if he was still at the hospital. Damn. He might be home.

House made his way into the kitchen and quietly opened the door that led to the garage. No car. Score.

Now, if he were Charlotte, where would he have put an important, highly sensitive package?

(This was assumed, but she refused to open it in the hospital, so it was something she either knew was coming and/or knew she shouldn't open there. Normally when Charlotte got a package, she ripped it open with a gleeful, greedy gleam in her eye. When she carried it to her car, she held it like a baby but the packing tape was still intact.)

To his surprise, he turned around and saw the package sitting on the island next to a stack of junk mail.

The package seemed to sing. Light seemed to be radiating from inside the box, which sat there with a warm glow of triumph surrounding it. Sweet, succulent triumph. House could almost taste the anticipation as he stepped closer. He stopped cold when he saw the packing tape was still unbroken.

After some quick thinking and a steaming teapot, the tape was gone. The box was a little soggy, but at least the tape was gone. Oh, a soggy box. Whatever is inside would certainly be ruined…

Unabashedly, he opened the top flaps and pushed aside the packing peanuts and frowned.

Books. Only Charlotte would be so protective of books. Not even interesting books.

A little piece of hot pink paper stuck out from between the pages of the first book. He pulled it out and read it quickly: _Hey, I saw these books and I thought of you. –Anna. Oh, P.S.: I found something of yours._

Ah, there we go. He pulled out the first book and threw it to the side. Book after book, he frowned as he read the title and put it aside. He didn't know what he was looking for until he reached in a pulled out a black leather book with no title.

Ah-ha.

He ran his finger down the spine and flipped it over, taking in every gently worn corner. This book definitely belonged to Charlotte. As if he was uncovering a lost treasure, he cautiously opened the front cover and saw "For This Addict…" written in Charlotte's small, round print. Confused, he flipped through the book and found pages and pages of handwritten material, almost like a journal. Most likely, it was something she had kept while she was working in rehabs in New York, House assumed.

He slipped the book in his pocket and started piling the books back in the box when he heard the garage door open. In a swift movement, he grabbed his cane he had leaned up against the table and bolted out of the house.

As he was closing the front door, Chase was opening the garage door and stepping into the kitchen. After he closed the door and turned around, he noticed the box sitting wide open out the table and packing peanuts all over the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

House settled into his couch and kicked his legs up on the coffee table. In his right hand, he swirled a class of bourbon. In his left, he held the book out and took in the faded black color and worn edges. After taking another swig of bourbon, he leaned forward to put it on the table then snatched up his glasses.

With a sigh, he leaned back into the couch and put his glasses on. He opened the book and read the title page again. "For This Addict…" He furrowed his eyebrows as he flipped to the first page of writing. As he was reading, his eyebrows un-furrowed and gradually, they began to rise.

He started to devour the book, rapidly turning pages. Sometimes, he would find passages where he found himself wanting to read them again just to make sure he read the right thing.

_I got mad. "After coming to NA, we realized that we were sick people." I'm not sick. This isn't denial, it's the truth. Yeah, okay, I have a problem and I will gladly admit to that. Yes, I'm hurting the people around me, but I'm not sick._

What was she talking about? As he read the journal, he noted the progression from closed off and angry to self-reflection.

"_We had to have something different and we thought we had found it in drugs." Why did I need something different? What was so bad about before? Was it the memories that scared me away? Was it how perfect everything used to be? Then one day, when it all gets taken away, what are you supposed to do? Aren't you _supposed_ to find something different? When you can't be who you were, where are you supposed to go? The readings talk about sacrifice. Haven't I sacrificed enough?_

He heard the key in the door knob and before he could turn around, the door swung open and a calm, yet angry, voice said,

"Give it back."

"What?" He turned around and whipped off his glasses to get a better look at Charlotte.

Her hands were on her hips and her eyes seemed to be burning into his soul. With a sigh, she extended her arm, palm up, towards him.

"My book."

"Oh." House looked at the book he was holding "This?" He pushed himself off the couch and came around to where she was standing. "It's an interesting read."

"How far did you get?" She asked as she ripped it out of his hand

"I'm almost done…" He shrugged "If you come back in a few hours, we can chat about it. If you pass it on to Wilson or Chase, we can start a book club."

"How dare you." She seethed. "What makes you think you have any right to not only go through my mail, but steal something that is private?"

"There's not a "do not read" sticker on it." He shrugged again, afraid to admit he'd never seen Charlotte as mad as she was right now.

"The fact that was in a sealed box with MY NAME on it wasn't obvious enough?" She pointed the book at House. "I don't know where you get off, but it's getting old. The entitled narcissistic act really just-"

"What was your drug of choice?" House cut her off.

"What?" She stepped back and unconsciously clutched the book to her chest.

"You quote NA readings." He shrugged and walked back around to sit on the couch, comfortable in the fact he had the upper hand again.

"Yeah," She spat back "And I can also recite them all for you right now, along with all 12-steps and the "Just for Today" literature. If you've forgotten, I do run a rehab."

"And I've noticed you run NA meetings on Wednesday nights." He said smugly "Don't people who are in the program usually run the meetings?"

"Out on the street, yeah, but when you're in a rehab facility, staff members do." She defended and House responded simply with a nod. "Ugh." She grunted. "I wrote this while I was studying at NYU and I was doing my thesis on the 12-step program and I went to neighborhood meetings pretending to be an addict and I wrote this journal to use later."

"Ah, living among the monkeys."

"That's me, Jane Goodall."

"I don't think Jane Goodall ever became a monkey."

"Excuse me?"

"If I may," He held out his hand and reluctantly, Charlotte handed him the book. "I think it was page 15," He put on his glasses and flipped open the book and cleared his throat. "I was out with Chuck again today. Probably a bad idea because he's still using, but I'm okay with that. It's not that hard. Being with him, I mean. He doesn't push, he doesn't rub it in my face, he just kinda does it and leaves me out of it… finally. No, I shouldn't be mad. I wanted to do it. I needed to do it. I'm learning it wasn't my fault. I feel so cheap by not blaming myself and not blaming others. Someone is to blame, right? I guess I could blame my parents…" He read dramatically then looked up and nodded "You know, there is a genetic predisposition to addiction."

"But there's also a psychological and cultural aspect to it as well." She shrugged. "All the factors have to be there."

"Lucky for you, they were." He smirked as she came around the couch and sat next to him.

"Fine. After I came back to California from seeing you in the hospital, I broke up with my boyfriend, started sneaking into clubs and drinking a little too much. I made a new group of friends and started doing cocaine." House pulled back a little in shock. "Mom found out a few months after it started and punished me for life, then made me go to NA meetings. It never got bad, but she was, well, Mom. Everything really sounds worse than it was. And the journal was just me being a melodramatic teenager."

"Why did Anna have it?"

"She had a 12 year old in her rehab." Charlotte shrugged "She thought my journal would help."

"Did it?"

"I don't know."

"Did it help you?"

"I guess." Charlotte shrugged. "Now it's just a reminder of about six months of my life that I never want to relive again."

"I hear that's not healthy."

"No, you don't understand." As she was standing up, she took the book from his hand. "This never gets talked about again. You can even forget that you read it. You crossed the line this time. This," She pointed at the book "This was personal. This was mine."

"It's a part of who you are." House reminded

"Yeah, ok, _sensei_," She sneered "You spend your time locked inside your head, not sharing your shit, but you have absolutely no problem getting into everyone else's and it's getting old. It's a tired routine, so either leave me alone or find someone else to pick on."

"But I think I've exhausted all my other options." He said sarcastically.

"Then go make new friends." Her eyes glistened with anger. "Go to an NA meeting. They love talking about themselves there. That should satisfy you."

"Will I see you there?"

"Screw you." Charlotte angrily spun around and pulled open the front door with such force that it bounced back shut after she had exited.


	3. Chapter 3

For Chase, the transition to live-in boyfriend had gone seamlessly. He even was starting to like Charlotte's dog, Pavlov. Although, he had started to see Charlotte in a new light. While he still loved her, he noticed the smallest things that, if he wasn't living with her, he would have never noticed.

She really hadn't been lying when she warned him that she yelled at inanimate objects. Sometimes, he feared for her sanity. He would be down in the basement when he would hear a sting of profanities. One time, he went up to check on her and she was in her office having a conversation with her letter opener. Apparently it wasn't opening her mail the right way.

Or like how House hadn't been hanging around lately. Actually, it had been more than a month since he stopped coming around and planting himself on the couch in front of the flat screen TV.

This wouldn't have bothered Chase if I hadn't bothered Charlotte, but it did. She didn't say it did, but Chase could tell. She quickly changed the subject when it came to House. She didn't suggest that they go over to his apartment to check on him when they went out. When at work, she kept to her floor of the hospital, rarely leaving. Chase had started buying lunch in the cafeteria and taking it up to her, just so that he knew she was eating.

House, on the other hand, was acting perfectly normal.

Chase was standing in line in the cafeteria, holding two sandwiches in his hands when he heard a gruff voice behind him say,

"Trying to gain some weight so the kids on the playground don't pick on you?"

"No," He turned around and saw House standing behind him in line "I'm making sure my girlfriend eats lunch."

"Hmm." House twisted his mouth like he was about to say something biting, but his expression changed. "Is she not doing well?"

"I'm not sure." A light bulb lit up over Chase's head. "Actually, I have a patient that I have to get to, and I was supposed to do it before lunch but time just slipped away. Do you think you could take a sandwich up to Charlotte?"

"No." House said sharply "I have a patient too."

"I bet mine's more pressing than yours." Chase challenged.

"I bet not." House glared him down. "My guy is still undiagnosed. Your guy has a diagnosis. He's a step ahead of mine."

"Well, maybe while you're tossing around diagnoses in your head, you could take a sandwich to Charlotte." Chase slapped a five dollar bill into House's hand, then turned abruptly on his heels and bolted out of the cafeteria.

*

The elevator doors opened and House stepped out into the rehab. He looked around nervously and started across the lobby, trying to make it to Charlotte's office without an incident.

He pushed open her door and made his way to her desk where he threw the sandwich on top of her paperwork. She looked up with surprise, then anger flashed through her eyes.

"Your cabana boy sends his love." He mocked

"Thank you." She muttered as she looked back at her paperwork and pushed the sandwich aside.

"Ten years, Charlotte." House plopped down on the couch across from her desk. "Are you really going to go another ten without talking to me?"

"At the rate you're popping Vicodin, I don't think you're going to make it another ten years."

"That used to scare you."

"So did the dark, but I got over it."

"Why are you so mad about this?" House sighed in frustration. Charlotte's irrationality confused him.

"My life has been dictated by what you do!" She threw down her pen and crossed her arms. "This one thing that was mine… you took that from me!"

"If you didn't want it to be read, you shouldn't have written it." He defended.

"That's your philosophy? No boundaries? Everything is public property?"

"You're afraid what was in that journal will change people's opinion of you!" House realized "You kept it a secret because you don't want people to know who you really are!" House laughed a little adding, "You're no better than me."

"Wrong. I got help. I realized that life can be different."

"No, help was forced upon you."

"I doesn't matter how I got help, I did. And I changed. I realized that nothing I did would ever be enough to fill the void I felt and I became ok with that." She sighed. "All the people I used to hang out with are either dead or in jail."

"Not for long, California is releasing non-violent prisoners because of overcrowding." House said knowingly and Charlotte shot him a dirty look.

"I was walking a slippery slope," Charlotte continued "And I was lucky that Mom pulled me up before I fell. I'm grateful for everything I have now. But I'm quietly grateful. Not everyone needs to know how I feel."

"You're not going to tell Chase."

"Nope."

"Ah, you can almost taste the hypocrisy." He grinned

"It's not hypocrisy." Charlotte defended "Yes, I'm afraid it will change Robert's opinion of me. It changed your opinion of me and he's not nearly as understanding as you are." She said sarcastically and he raised an eyebrow. "You're proud. That journal let you in to a dark side you couldn't even imagine existed. You like dark sides. You liked my dark side because you know in some round-about way, you caused it."

"I'm not nearly that egotistical. Your drug use does not please me."

"But the fact that I hid it tickles you, doesn't it." House shrugged. "Uh huh. I fit your thesis. People lie, cheat and hide things. I proved you right and that makes you proud. Not proud of me, but proud of yourself."

"Contrary to popular belief, I don't think the world revolves around me."

"No, it revolves around you being right." She sneered "Congratulations."

"If I had known what you were doing, I would have-"

"Would have what? Come running across the country to save me? Maybe called?" She rolled her eyes. "That's not how I wanted you to come back. I didn't want you to feel sorry for me." She narrowed her eyes and looked at House. "I wanted you to come back because you felt sorry for yourself. Little did I know you became a self-loathing, selfish bastard."

She stared at House for a while as he sat there uncomfortably.

"Well," He said after a minute "Now I see the rage that sparked the drug use."

"Yeah," She sighed with annoyance, "This is why I kept it a secret. That part of my life is best forgotten. I do love you and I am happy we're in each others lives again and all this…" She flicked her hand in the air. "Is water under the bridge."

"So you want to go on ignoring all," He flicked his hand in a similar way "This."

"Please." Charlotte nodded.

"Well then," He stood up and straightened out his jacket. "Done." He started out the door and then turned around to add, "I'm sorry I read your journal."

"What journal?" Charlotte asked innocently

"When you were six." He wiggled his eyebrows. "There was some good stuff in there."

"Just get out." Charlotte sighed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chase gently shut the front door behind him when he entered into the house. As he quietly hung his jacket on the coat rack, he listened for sounds of either Charlotte or the dog. He heard the TV softly humming from downstairs and headed towards the basement.

When he was halfway down the stairs, he saw Charlotte spread across the couch with a blanket over her lap and using Pavlov as a pillow. When the dog saw Chase standing there, he started whining, but stayed still because Charlotte hadn't moved. Her eyes flickered to the stairs and she smiled.

"Long day?" She asked as he descended the last few steps.

"More so than usual." He sighed as he sat down on the couch and Charlotte moved her legs so he could sit closer. When he was settled, she placed her legs over top of his lap and he started stroking the blanket absent-mindedly as they watched the news.

"You have a good lunch?" He asked during a commercial break.

"I guess." She shrugged and nestled into Pavlov's fur. "Sending Dad was a dirty trick."

"Did it work?" He asked with a smile

"I guess." She repeated. The news had started back up and Charlotte took an intense interest on a piece about a start-up company that took care of abandoned birds.

"What were you two fighting about?" He asked and she ignored him.

"Nothing." She responded with a sigh when she noticed he was still looking at her.

"I beg to differ." Chase scoffed. "Obviously it was something. A months worth of something."

"It's in the past." She blew him off.

"Alright." Chase nodded and looked back at the TV.

"What?" Charlotte sat up. Pavlov used the opportunity to jump up off the couch.

"If you're not going to tell me, I can't force it out of you." Charlotte's eyes opened wide and she shook her head. "We're all allowed some secrets. If it's important enough to you to keep it a secret, it's important enough for me not to pry."

"What if I was cheating on you." Charlotte tested

"That's not important enough to keep a secret. Your guilt would get to you before I would." He shrugged. "Obviously, you have no guilt about keeping whatever it is from me, so I know it's not cheating."

"So you don't mind that we have secrets from each other?"

"Not really. Not unless you do."

"Not really." Charlotte agreed. She shook her head and wondered, "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Whatever it is, it's probably a secret." He smiled

Enthusiastically, Charlotte wrapped her arm's around Chase's neck and kissed him. When she pulled back she smiled.

"Thank you for understanding." She let the left side of her mouth curve up a little more. "Here's something that's not a secret: I'm totally addicted to you." She laughed as he pulled her into his lap and kissed her again. "One may be too many," She smiled, "But a thousand of those kisses will never be enough."

_**..fin..**_


End file.
